Cut it off!

by Miss Karen-Anne Brown

It has been well over a year now and I think the worst part has been the loneliness. Oh, I've had television to watch and there have been newspapers and books to read - but the lack of human companionship was at times almost unbearable.

Peggy has been my only visitor and the pain and humiliations that I have suffered at her hands have not always made her welcome company. Well, to be perfectly honest, there have been others who have visited me here but they all worked for Peggy. They only added to my shame and I probably will not tell you about all of them.

Your first question would probably be, "Why did you stay -- Why not be a man and leave?" I coundn't!! This room is approximately twenty feet square and I was wearing a fifteen foot chain attached to my right ankle. I could travel to my bed, my chair, the television set and the bathroom. I could not even reach the door and if I could it wouldn't help because it was always locked. The room had no windows and calling for help was a waste of strength because this large house is located in the center of a four hundred acre farm. In the beginning I honestly did try to conjure up ways to escape but each time Peggy would devise means to punish me. She broke my spirit and now I offer no resistance to her devious plans.

I guess you are wondering how I managed to be in such a pathetic situation. To be honest, I must admit that it is partly my own fault even though I do feel that Peggy was over reacting to a degree. As I look back now, I don't believe that my punishment was her sole motive. It all started in 1990, or maybe it was 1989. It has been rather difficult to keep up with time. Peggy was away at a medical convention and I had closed my law practice for a week. I hardly even knew the girl I was spending the week with. We met in a bar and I invited her out here to the farm for drinks and some swimming. As you probably guessed, we ended up in bed together and she decided to stay for the entire week. As luck would have it, Peggy came home early and caught us together. I should have been suspicious when she showed very little anger. She simply ask the girl to leave and told me that we would discuss my indiscretions in the morning. When the morning came I discovered the damn chain around my ankle and although I tried, I could not free myself. Peggy had moved all of her things into the guest room and all of my clothes had been moved somewhere.

I raised holy hell that first day when I discovered the chain. Peggy stayed extremely calm and refused to argue with me. While pretending to unlock the chain, she gave me a shot in my leg that completely knocked me out. When I awoke I not only had the chain on my leg but my arms were also chained to the bed.

My first reaction was anger but after an hour that dissolved into self pity and by the time Peggy finally entered the room, real fear had ensued. She pulled a chair up to my bedside and very coolly explained that what I had done to her was not acceptable. I tried to apologize and promised that it would never happen again.

She said, "All of you men are the same. You will promise anything but as long as that thing between your legs is working you will abuse and take advantage of women. I don't think you are capable of knowing how we feel as women and I am going to teach you a lesson. It may take a long time but when I am through, you are going to understand how it feels to be a woman. Remember one thing -- I'm not doing this to punish. I'm doing it because I still love you and I want you to grasp some reality. I want you to see the world through my eyes."

"How long do you plan to keep me here? I asked.

"As long as it takes, which could be quite a while", is all she would say.

She reached into her medical bag and removed a hypodermic needle and a small vile of clear liquid. She loaded the hypodermic and began to rub cotton on my arm.

"You don't need to give me any more knock-out drops. As you can see, I'm not going anywhere".

"Oh, this will not make you sleep. This is estrogen. Before you know it, you are going to have so much of this in your system that you may not even be able to find that tiger that hangs between your legs."

Before I could raise an objection, she plunged the needle into my arm and emptied the liquid into my vein. I was so shocked that all I could do was stare at the tiny hole that was left in my arm.

"As you know, darling, working as a plastic surgeon has brought me in contact with many transsexuals. I have helped many of them become the women they wanted and needed to be. I have never met a group of people that respected and appreciated femininity as passionately as these men do. Well, most of them are not men any more but as they go through the change, it has always been such a pleasure for me to watch them cast aside all of their pseudo macho garbage and become soft feminine loving creatures. This is about to happen to you so you might as well relax and enjoy the wonderful changes."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. There was no way she could get away with this. My anger was uncontrollable. I screamed at her. I tried to rip the chains from the wall but they didn't give an inch. Every vile macho phrase I could think of was directed at her. I even told her that if I ever got my hands free I would kill her. I was kicking and screaming when she left the room. I pulled at my chains until my wrist were bruised and bleeding. About two hours later, Peggy came in and gave me a sedative and I slept.

For three weeks I lay chained to that bed. Peggy would visit me twice a day, once before she left for work and once when she returned home. She would, each day, give me another of the estrogen shots, help me with the bed pan, wash and feed me. I would beg her to unlock my hands but she would only say, "Not now darling". I knew that it was only a matter of time before my law partner got suspicious and came looking for me. She could not call me in sick forever. I decided to remain calm and just wait her out but on the third day of my incarceration, Peggy brought in one of her little helpers. Without a word, the young woman began setting up equipment beside my bed. Peggy never told me the girl's name, she just introduced her as my electrologest.

There was no way I was going to let that woman near my face so I began to move my face urgently back and forth. Didn't faze Peggy. She gave me another shot and when I awoke, my mustache was gone -- forever. The next day Peggy explained that I had a choice. I could behave myself and cooperate or get another shot. I got another shot. The third day I cooperated. Most people can only stand one hour sessions of electrolysis because of the pain. This girl worked for over eight hours at a time. Each morning, before she left for work, Peggy would give me shots of novocain in my face to kill the pain. These usually wore off by midday and I was forced to bear the anguish.

Finally, one day Peggy told me that it was time to take the chains off my arms but that I would have to continue to wear the one on my ankle. She explained that I could grab her and hurt her -- Maybe even kill her but she wanted to remind me that she was the only person who knew where I was. If something happened to her, I would eventually starve to death. I was so pleased at the prospect of having the use of my hands again that I promised to behave. Before she released my hands she rubbed a smelly white cream all over my arms and legs. After about thirty minutes she removed the cream with a wet wash cloth and I was shocked to see that all of my hair came off with the cream. I then realized what the cream was but for fear that she wouldn't release my hands, I kept my mouth shut and didn't complain. I knew that it would grow back.

Being able to dispense with that damn bedpan was probably the greatest pleasure of my newly acquired freedom. My first act of liberty was a trip to the bathroom and a long shower. The chain on my leg made bathing awkward but I managed. On the way out I stopped at the mirror to inspect my face and was truly shocked by what I saw. I looked like I had just gone fifteen rounds with Joe Lewis and lost. My face was extremely red and swollen but Peggy assured me that I would heal in a few days and then my face would be as smooth as a baby's behind. I had my doubts but time did prove her to be correct. I had enjoyed my mustache for over five years and I looked funny without it. However, I had to admit that it might be nice not to have to shave every morning.

When I returned to the room, Peggy had changed my bed and laid out what looked like some of her clothes across the end of the bed.

"Are you moving back into this room to keep me company?" I asked nodding to the female clothes.

"No", she answered. "These are for you. I want you dressed in skirts and blouses or a dress during the day and at night you are to sleep in one of these pretty gowns." She opened my closet door so that I could see inside. "As you can see, your male clothes have been removed. I'm sorry that your female wardrobe is not yet complete but it will grow. Your drawers are full of bras, panties, hose and slips. You will use them! I'm a little disappointed that you will not be able to use the pretty panties I got you because you can't get them on over the chain. I'll figure a way later."


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